Original article by the Sun
AN orgasm is on every woman’s wish list during sex – and the last thing we want is to FAKE it.
Author Emma Koenig of book ‘Moan: Anonymous Essays On Female Orgasm’ spoke to The Times about the gulf between men’s perception of the pleasure they give women – and what women actually feel during sex.
She said: “So many men have bragged to me that their partners have always had orgasms and when I asked how they knew their partner had orgasmed, they’d say, ‘Because she dug her fingernails in my back’, or, ‘Because her legs were shaking’, or, ‘Because she was moaning’, or, ‘Because I just knew’, as if any of that was irrefutable evidence.”
So it’s no surprise that 72 per cent of women admitted that their partner climaxes but makes no attempt to help them finish. Tut-tut, boys!
Emma’s collection of essays first started when she posted about a disappointing experience on her own blog three years ago, where her partner at the time both confidently and wrongly informed her that she’d orgasmed.
Despite her correcting and giving him some pointers, the next encounter was even more of a let-down.
The women featured in the book range from ages 22 to 70 and includes a variety of tales about what works, or doesn’t work in the bedroom.
When men heard about Emma’s book, they were defensive, and according to her they asked: “Is this actually even a problem?”
The National Survey of Sexual Health and Behaviour revealed that 85 per cent of men believed that their partners had reached orgasm in their recent sexual encounter, a far cry away from what women had to say on the same matter.
One woman’s experience featured in the book discusses her being able to come in 17 seconds, and although she is writing about the downside to it, Emma states: “For many of us that’s not going to happen, it might not even happen in 17 minutes.”
The main thing men should be able to learn from this collection of stories is that they shouldn’t assume that every woman is the same and that if something worked with one partner, it’ll work with another.
Emma’s message to women is that we need to bite the bullet and just tell our men if we’re dissatisfied: “Take time to figure out what you want to say and how to phrase it to a partner, keep practising and by the fifth time it’s going to feel easier and more natural.”
When asked why they don’t orgasm, 38 per cent of women claimed that there wasn’t enough clitoral stimulation, however, 35 per cent also stated that although there may be clitoral stimulation, it wasn’t the right kind.
Another woman featured in Emma’s book stated that she had only ever had one orgasm in her entire life, and that “even that feels like a fluke”.
Clearly blokes need to start listening to what we really want in bed.